The Self Confident Child

What is self confidence and why is it important for your child or the children in your life? 

Self confidence is an unwavering belief in oneself and one's abilities, gifts, talents, instincts etc. The belief that no matter the outcome I still believe in myself, my worth, my ability to get things done and ultimately to succeed.

So how do children learn self confidence?

My own theory and belief is that children are born with infinite confidence and that confidence either shrinks or grows overtime with the interactions they have with the people around them. 

From birth all healthy humans innately and confidently learn to walk, talk, skip, jump, run. I've yet to meet a child (sans birth exceptionalities) who refused to learn these things. 

However, overtime, as children have varied interactions in their social circles and as limitations are placed on children, varying degrees of confidence emerge. 

Here are 6 Thoughts to Consider when growing a Self Confident child:

Self Confidence begins at home. This is a child's first learning environment and the first place where a child is affirmed as a positive contributor to their environment. This needs to be a "yes" zone when it comes to learning important life skills and healthy habits. Whenever they express an interest in learning to help themselves; the answer should most always be yes let me show you. Whether it is learning to make a snack, meal, dress themselves, put away clothes, clean up etc. 

Self Confidence grows when we affirm in children that they are capable. Many schools of thought like Montessori embody this but this also needs to be the practice at home.

Self Confidence requires active listening. Children need to be in spaces and around people where they are heard; they need to ask questions, think out loud, narrate their learning and ultimately know that what interests them is important.  

Self Confidence needs space and freedom to demonstrate and or fail. The key question here is how will they know what they're capable of if they don't get enough opportunities to prove it to themselves and others? Whether we like it or not, failure is the manure/cow dung/fertilizer needed for growing Self Confidence.

Self Confidence is a lifelong journey. Probably the most unconstructive feedback someone can give to anyone, including a child is 'you need to be more confident'. It takes a lifetime to grow or shrink confidence.  

We all could be more confident at somethings at some point in life.

Self Confidence requires constructive feedback. Children need to be affirmed in the tasks they do well; encourged to sustain the great qualities and talents they embody and given feedback in the specific areas where they can improve. 

A vague criticism that does not give examples of ways in which a child can improve is not constructive feedback. 

What are your thoughts on this? How did you improve your confidence as a child?